I know I say this every week, but this one really scared me!
So, I hope you have lots of fun Halloween festivities lined up for the weekend...but before you don your costume, let me completely ruin your day with this absolutely shocking creation:
COUNT COCKULA
This baby puts the SUCK in Succubus....not to mention the FUUUUUUUUUUUCKGETITAWAYFROM ME in WTF.
(Or, rather, What The Suck!)
First off, this completely validates my theory that people who like vampires are totally whack. Can I just say, fuck this whole vampire fetish trend lately? Zombies all the way, y’all. Holla.
Secondly, this adds yet another rule to my ever-growing lists of Sextoy Don’ts:
Do not model your sextoy after mythical scary creatures that can and will kill you in cold blood.
(Although, one could conceivably use the Laura Doone pussy as a She-Werewolf sextoy, but I digress.)
The range of possible accessories for this one is endless: Blood-colored lube? Stake-shaped buttplug? Garlic clove cockring?
This also violates fundamental rule #2, which is do not put TEETH on your sextoy – especially sharp pointy FANGS, for fuck’s sake!
And if that weren't enough, the makers of Cockula have added tiny teeth along the inside of the shaft, which they describe as “exclusive Vampire Fang inner canal texture not found on any other Fleshjack product.”
GEE I WONDER WHY.
Ostensibly, this is to make the experience even more pleasurable...you know, more pleasurable than sticking your dick in a paper shredder and then dipping it in lemon juice.
So there you have it, folks. Happy Halloween!
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