Scary Sextoy: Raver Porcupine WTF

Whoa, whoa, hold up, slow down, hold the motherfuckin’ phone.





WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? ARE THOSE FUCKING SPIKES?

By now, my loyal SSF readers will know that pretty much nothing shocks me anymore. However, upon first seeing this “toy” I literally shot up out of my chair and ran away from my monitor, leaving a stream of expletives and confused coworkers in my wake.

NO NO NO NO NO DO NOT WANT AT ALL.

Back when I first reviewed the Barracuda, I very facetiously wondered if the porcupine vibrator was next. Well guess what, here it is!

Let’s hear the manufacturer’s explanation for this one, hmmm?


The Taffy Tickler G-Spot, from Topco and Adam & Eve, is a fascinating new vibrator.

The surface of this toy is covered with hundreds of soft silicone dollops that vibrate, tease and stimulate all of your hot spots. Just imagine an army of little vibrating tongues working their way towards your G-Spot, and once they get there, you’ll be treated to a sensation like no other.

Yes, just imagine an army of TINY HARD PLASTIC SPIKES pressed against your woo-woo: a sensation like no other indeed. Is this for medieval roleplay? Instead of the wall o’ spikes you get the dong of spikes?

While the toymakers claim these “dollops” are soft and sensual, one brave woman who reviewed the toy said it felt like it was “scratching my vaginal walls.”

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

And why does this look like a toy you’d expect to find in the hands of someone in hot pink furry goat legwarmers out on the playa, who’s had one too many hits of E?

Epic, fluorescent fail.