Scary Sextoy Friday: The Cexxxy Cephalopod & Tentacle Beast Rights

Gentle SSF readers, please indulge me in a brief public service announcement. When I started this here blog, my intent was not to mock certain fetishes, but to highlight particularly bizarre, unique looking or ill-conceived toys.

There’s a saying: Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is Ok (which is frequently shortened to YKINMKBYKIOK – pronounce as you see fit!)

The gist is, you may not be into The Fisthorn or the Raver Buttplug or the Disembodied Foot Pussy, but someone out there is, and that’s okay.

Now, don’t get me wrong – I loooove making fun of creepy sextoys, but I should make it clear that as long as any sexual practice is safe, sane and consensual, we all shouldn’t judge the participants too harshly, as someone else could easily judge YOU for what goes on in your bedroom. Or reading some freaky ass sextoy blog.

Okay, we cool?

Good.

NOW HOT DAMN LET’S BRING ON THE TENTACLE PORN BABY!!!








This here multi-suckered blue beastie comes to you from the folks at Bad-Dragon.com, one of the world’s finest purveyors of dragon dick. They also have realistic penile replications of both fantasy and real-life animals, including Gryphons, orcas, dolphins, Dobermans, wallabies, and even ol’ Nessie of Loch Ness (proof that even mythical creatures are not safe from the “HOLY SHIT I THOUGHT YOU WERE A CHICK” phenomenon)

And, of course TENTACLES.

The reason I love Bad Dragon: they have great marketing copy, a wry sense of humor and they don't take themselves too seriously. From this product's description:

“Not all tentacle beasts are rapists, however. Most just want a hole to fill, and I'm sure there are plenty of volunteers to help satisfy him. You can join in on the fun by ordering a portable tentacle of your own, built in every way to simulate the real thing, from the suckers, right down to the spade-tip head...”

Seriously, y’all. NOT ALL TENTACLE BEASTS ARE RAPISTS. Don’t let one or two (or 437) raping tentacles give a bad name to all those upstanding, law-abiding tentacles who pay their taxes on time and practice safe and consensual...uh...sucking? Squishing? Squooshing?

Whatever, point is: STOP WITH THE TENTACLE BEAST BASHING.

I think we should make this here toy the poster, uh, dick for a new movement promoting safe and consensual tentacle beast porn.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Tentacle Beasts.

Have You Hugged Your Tentacle Beast Today?

I Brake for Tentacle Beasts!

C’mon y’all, join the revolution!