Scary Sextoy Friday: Can't Get a Leg Up?

Then, OH BOY do we have the toy for you this week...!

About a month ago, an intrepid SSF reader emailed me a photo of an Unidentified Scary Sextoy (USS) that she came across with no context on Twitter, asking if I had any insight as to what the hell it was.



And I was honestly stumped.

I looked at it several times, from several angles, and simply couldn't figure out what the hell it was supposed to be, or where you were supposed to shove it. I actually decided that it wasn't a sextoy - because of the laptop next to it, and the green thingy behind it, I figured it must be a photo of a Hollywood set, some sort of half-built creature or something.

Flash forward to this week, when I was perusing a sextoy website sent to me by yet another intrepid SSF reader: there I am, merrily clicking my way through buttplugs and anal funnels...

...and suddenly: WHAM!

The Unidentified Scary Sextoy pops up in my face! I am overjoyed! I've found it! I've unlocked the mystery!

And then, I read the description.

HOLY FLAMING COCKBALLS, IT'S A MOTHERING FUCKING AMPUTATED LEG DILDO Y'ALL.



Yes, "Stumpy" here (that's the actual product name!) is listed as a "Full size leg with cock and balls" sculpted out of pure medical grade silicone. It warms to the touch, and the high quality materials will not pit or degrade over time.

I...

It....

The.....

Uh........


IT'S FUCKING AMPUTATED LEG STUMP THAT YOU STICK UP YOUR BUTT.

And it's utterly massive; it's pretty damn close to a life-size rendering of a human leg.

As I was trying to wrap my brain around that, I noticed the price tag:

$490!!!!!

Also, I'm tickled by the directions to clean it: "Boil to sterilize." What the fuck do you boil that monster in, an industrial vat?

So, not only is this the most expensive toy I've covered here, it may even overthrow the Fisthorn in term of sheer, sputtering, staggering weirdness.

As always, thanks for reading - and keep those Unidentified Scary Sextoys coming!