See, vampires are just whiny, elitist pricks. And as is so often the case with whiny, elitist pricks: they become sex symbols.
For some reason, legions of teenage girls and dumbasses think vampires are hot in a some dark, mythic, sexual way (see: Twilight, True Blood,, and the freaky ass Count Cockula fleshlight)
But now, thanks to the twisted minds of Elastica Engineering, Team Zombie Apocalypse has its own sextoy.
Witness the world's first zombie dildo:
REMEMBER KIDS, ALWAYS AIM FOR THE HEAD!
You're heard of Cock Rock -- well, this is Cock Rot! It's part of a line of horror-film based dildos called Necronomicox (OMG BEST NAME EVAR!!)
I'll let the copy speak for itself:
All it wants is your warm human flesh. A bloated, rotting, pustulant abomination. Choose from a variety of festering colours.
Size: ~7" Long total and 1.5" Across with clit stimulating arteries, and textured rotting penis head... so grotesque as to be amazing!
PUSTULANT ABOMINATION!
TEXTURED ROTTING PENIS HEAD!
A VARIETY OF FESTERING COLORS!
Oh, Necronomicox, I think I love you. And your copywriters.
I know most of you will be utterly revolted by this creation - particularly the maggot and pus detail - but I think this is just about the coolest, creepiest thing I have ever seen.
This toymaker currently offers two other dildos - a squiggly tentacled beast and a ghostly alien-like Xenomorph - but we've seen all of that before here on SSF (See: Tentacle Beast Rights and Alien vs. Predator Cock)
But this zombie dildo? This is far beyond anything we've seen here at SSF in terms of creatively ghastly abominations of the flesh.
I tip my hat to you, Necronomicox. Bravo.
Now, hand me my chainsaw - Team Zombie Apocalypse FTW!
And by the way: to all you naysayers who think zombies can't be sexy: check out the world's hottest dance troupe of zombie pinup girls, The Living Dead Girlz:
Personally, I'd love to see these fierce zombie babes kick the crap out of those Twilight dweebs any day of the week. Suck on that Team Edward!
Vampires are just zombies that prefer drinking blood over eating the rest and somehow got their undead status glamorized.
ReplyDelete"I know most of you will be utterly revolted by this creation"
How very right you are. I no longer want lunch. :-P
You are welcome! More crazy creations from Team Necronomicox will be coming out soon.
ReplyDeleteYour friends at www.elasticaengieering.com
I dunno. I think this is scarier.
ReplyDeleteI used to be on team suck, before this horrible wave of... books and films we don't mention came over us. Still, putting these - anyqwehre near your body, not to mention inside of it...
ReplyDeletethe xenomrophs are still fucking cool, though!
I still maintain that Twilight vampires are not at all what vampires should be. After all, they SPARKLE. They are supposed to burn up in the sun because they house the soul of a demon, not Martha Stewart.
ReplyDeleteAnywho, my husband is mildly obsessed with a possible future zombie apocalypse, and I can't wait to see the look he gives me when he see this... :)
This is freaky but in a way kinda sexy, perfect for halloween party's. lol
ReplyDeleteI normally have a good laugh at these but this one gave me the creeps. I will have nightmares, mark my words. ZOMBIES ARE NOT FOR PLAYING.
ReplyDeleteHahahahaha.
ReplyDelete