Let it be known we are ahead of the trends here at Scary Sextoy Friday. Last week I blogged about the horrifying Avatar dildo, and how bad James Cameron sucks ass.
And yesterday, a friend tipped me to the next development in the burgeoning realm of Avatar fetishes:
The Avatar Fleshlight
From the product's description:
Go where no manhood has gone before past the strangely alluring double clitoris of the Alien vagina. This mesmerizing pearlescent blue Alien begs to beam you up for a close encounter of the preferred kind.
The "Alien Fleshlight" is a tie-in to Hustler's newly released Avatar porn:
But it's not the blatant advertising tie-in that bothers me; nor is it the fact that this thing looks like Cookie Monster's butthole.
No, dear readers, it's the fact that I've already seen it.
Yes, it's true: the folks over at Bad Dragon, my favorite purveyors of spurting dragon cock, were already offering the Anthro Dragoness:
And this one waaaaaaay predates the Fleshlight.
It's no secret that I'm a fan of Bad Dragon, especially their Tentacle Beasts. And I can't help feeling a bit miffed on their behalf, seeing as they were clearly the trailblazing pioneers of the blue mystical creature vag-in-a-can.
And now, all of the sudden, Fleshlight comes bounding in and every is all "Ooooh! A blue mystical creature vag-in-a-can! You are so original and creative!"
It's just got me really bummed out on behalf of Bad Dragon.
I'm mean, I'm really sad about it.
In fact, I'm feeling downright blue.
Hmmm, maybe a little song will cheer me up:
There, now! I feel MUCH better! How about you?
Why am I not surprised?
ReplyDeleteTo be fair, the Fleshlight version of the blue pussy fuckhole (I can't even type that without laughing) has two clitorises, where the Bad Dragon version only has one. Obviously, this makes the Fleshlight fuckhole far more alien and therefore more accurate.
ReplyDeleteExcept, of course, for the fact that in the movie the aliens fucked WITH THEIR TAILS. Kee-rhist, people. At least pay enough attention to get your fuckholes right! When you come up with a way to replicate that tail-fucking thing, then we'll talk.
Actually, I'd kinda like to see a tail-fucking sex toy. Wait, no. No I wouldn't. But now that I've typed it, you're going to find one and traumatize me for life, like you do every Friday. Damn you, Molly Mounds!
All I could think was that this was a draeni from World of Warcraft. They have plated tails like that... and they're about that colour...
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