The Spiked Chindo

Today's reader submission, from a couple of folks in Northern Europe, is another variant on the Accomodator (see: the chest dildo and the Benny Hill sweeper)

This one, however....well, it has SPIKES.



Yes, this Extreme Chin Dildo is described as a "spiky dildo has a soft vinyl coating and a rigid interior." They also refer to it as a "chindo" -- not nearly as catchy as squildo, IMNSHO.

Did I miss something? When did spiky cock become the next big thing in the sextoy industry? Remember the Porcupine Raver?

Anyway, this reminds me of those Craig Morrisson bug bags that were all the rage with goth chicks back in 1996:



I love the incredibly uncomfortable fake smile plastered on the model's face. And I wish the photographer had taken the photo from a full profile angle, so we could really see the full protrusion of this bad boy.

The 3/4 angle really robs the product of its full impact. Stop being arty and just showcase the spiky chin dick, Mr. Wannabe Artsy Sextoy Photography.

The Squildo

OK, first off -- this is pretty much the best click-to-enter window evar:



Secondly, the name of this reader-submitted contribution is Free Range Silicone.

Obviously meant to refer to silicone sextoys -- but I was kinda hoping it was a farm of cage-free porn stars happily wandering grassy fields. I'd totally watch a live webcast of that, wouldn't you?

Anyway, I clicked "OK" -- and then this happened:





This is what Cthulhu's cock would look like if he were a raver in the 90s.

Aptly titled the Squildo, this is yet another entry in the Cexxxy Cephalopod catalogue, and clearly a cousin of the calamari buttplug & matching ballgag by Elastica Engineering. Wow, I never thought I'd actually wind up needing a "tentacles" tag for a sextoy blog.

The Squildo has a hefty price tag - $145 - but we are talking about a handcrafted, artisan piece here. And, most importantly: this is a free range squildo, not some poor, sickly, caged squildo that was raised in terrible conditions at one of those unethical and cruel squildo farms. Here at SSF, we firmly believe that cruelty-free squildos are the only way to go.

Now who's gonna turn that free-range porn star farm into a reality show? C'mon Internet, let's make this shit happen!